Who's in Control?

No one likes to admit it but we all have control issues, maybe somewhat different for each one of us. It's not as simple as fighting over the remote control to establish who gets to choose what channel to watch on TV. When we are children the war begins during potty training and from then on it is each one of our jobs to individuate from our caretakers. What could be more basic then that?

In relationships it grows more complicated. Is it really just the natural order of things for one individual to try and dominate over the other? It seems to be somewhat true with animals as we are cognizant of the alpha male or female. Different personality types may also play a prominent role.

It's important for all of us to have a sense of choice, what we want to eat for breakfast, what music we want to play on the car ride. Acquiescing to someone else does not necessarily reflect weakness, it might just be ambivalence. Sometimes it is just better to pick your battles.

I'm a believer in taking turns being right, sharing decisions, respecting another person's opinion and not having to be an emotional bully because of some need to have my own way. Not everyone thinks or feels the same way about this because it's a matter of degrees regarding the level of a person's own issues of control. For some it may be a need to be right or thinking they are right, or perhaps not giving in. Is it perceived as weakness to give in sometimes for the sake of harmony knowing that if it really matters to you you will speak up and your voice will be heard. Indecisiveness and being "wishy washy" is different than being selective about what you want to get in a disagreement or make a point about.

When I'm performing some type of task and I believe I know what I'm doing I don't really appreciate being interfered with, that is my control issue. If I have certain rules about how I want the items in the dishwasher loaded, this is my control issue. If I prefer the lights on around me when I'm in a certain part of the house and someone else wants them shut off to save electricity that is my control issue or is it? Sometimes arguments are stupid, is it really about the lights being on or off or is there a more underlying issue of control?

Admit it, there are times when we all want to be in control. I would just like to believe that each one of us deserves to be right or get our own way 50 percent of the time but who is keeping score?