I recently "celebrated" my 58th birthday living in this complicated world. Each year I spend time around my birthday taking an account of my life, who I am, where I'm going, and where I've been. To be brutally honest, I have not enjoyed growing older and the aging process is something I find challenging and not really prepared for. I think I have gained a certain amount of wisdom through the years which continues to grow and is invaluable, however it is difficult not to acknowledge that life is more than half over.
I try incredibly hard not to have any regrets about the past and although sometimes a painful memory sneaks up on me and can whack me pretty good, I think I have a handle on the business of letting go and moving on, not letting the past have too much power over me. We are a sum of our experiences and I respect that as part of the accumulation of my life's years.
I think maybe there are a few things I might have done differently but you can't take back history. I also believe you can try to right some of the wrongs you may have committed but not because of any fear or belief that any higher being would sit in judgement. I have my own conscience which has done a fairly good job of guiding me so far and keeping me honest, at least with myself, and that is really what matters, not what other people think, really.
My awareness of my own strengths and weaknesses is rather acute. I try to emphasize what my strengths are and not avoid keeping a humble eye on areas I know I should work on improving.
Health issues can be an insurmountable factor in the aging process and my body is letting me know that my youth has faded. I remember my mother cautioning me not to try and get by in life on my looks because eventually they fade, and sadly they have. I still have a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face but it is not of a youthful optimism, realizing life's years take their toll.
I believe in being a realist about life and not sparing myself with avoidance of the real truth that someday I will die, as it is inevitable. I think one of my monumental tasks while still trying to enjoy life is to somehow make peace with my eventual death and not to fear that.
No apologies for my honest account, no regrets. Life as they say is too short.
Autumn Time In Quincy
6 years ago
7 comments:
A very profound and moving post. I am not aging happily either, although younger than you, I am not looking forward to becoming older and more invisible.
Please cheer up. Sure it's not a happy thought, but there are always things you have to look forward to, that will compel you to continue for a long time still. Sure, it's been such a long time since your youth, but there are people now that are discovering age 100 and beyond. What I'm basically trying to say is, whatever the global life expectancy is, there's no reason to get upset. Do you want to live long? Or do you want to live happily?
Michael.
Madame, Yes, Youth is wasted on the young.
Michael, You caught me during a morbid moment of regret but generally I do not wax quite so negative. I have a good life, a good job and maybe though I'd like my health to be a bit more stable. Thank-you though for your concern.
Let me reiterate your words here. "No apologies for my honest account, no regrets."
We all live out the life that we are given, regardless of the twists and turns, highs and lows.
The key here is living. Don't look back and think of an end. Look forward and cherish each day as a new beginning.
Like you say... no regrets.
JB, The truth is, it sucks getting old.
Hello my friend,
First I want to say, "Happy Birthday". I know I'm late, I offer no excuse but I'm here to say it now and late rather than never.
I have purposely avoided the action of beating myself up over things I've said and done. Regretting them included accepting my failure and that was sufficient enough for me.
I don't like being reminded of who I once was because I no longer am that person. People have a way of never letting you forget who you once were. I guess they derive some measure of satisfaction for it but who cares?
When I was a young man, I thought about death quite a lot; sometimes even my own. But this world is for the living and living is what I'm trying my best to do. I appreciate the life I have, those who love me and the joy I derive from them.
I'm 59 now and my body is that of a 59 year old man; I do my best to take care of it but I have my limitations. As Harry Callahan would say, "A man's got to know his limitations."
U
U,
I defintely agree with Mr. Callahan! Was that from Dirty Harry?
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