Grandparent - Hood

Whoever thought that when I gave birth to my eldest child after 21 hours of arduous labor nearly thirty years ago that the cycle of life would one day include her recent announced pregnancy. Besides the joyful news, is the worry that accompanies, remembering my own experiences, the mystery and excitement of pregnancy and child birth.

The fact is, mothers nearly never stop worrying even as our children grow into adults. When they are young we try to guide them and keep them safe, yet knowing the necessity of learning from their own mistakes. They have a habit of untieing the apron strings and living their own lives. You can only hope that some of the values you have tried to instill in them will be established in the way they choose to perceive and live their lives.

I've become a believer in altering family history. My parents had an unstable marriage and I grew up often feeling trepidation and uncertainty, worrying what would happen next. I knew when I had my own children I would place a great deal of emphasis on providing a stable family environment if at all possible. In order to do that it involved working on having an honest and open relationship with my husband with good communication. My children were raised with parents who acted like they love and respected each other which became their important foundation.

Raising two daughters can be a labor of love and a god awful challenge, especially if you are trying to teach them to be independent and confident. Mothers are role models for their daughters and I took that very seriously, teaching them self respect and to have expectations on how they wished to be treated in their relationships with males. Of course having a wonderful husband certainly helps the cause. They love and respect their Dad.

I preferred the old fashioned way of convincing my daughters to wait until they were in a serious committed relationship before contemplating sex and to view it as an intimate act, not a recreational activity, to respect their bodies. I'm realistic that some of this was absorbed but at other times those raging hormones would not always heed mother's advice.

I am at a point in my own life now when I can look back with relief and also feel I must have done a decent job since somehow we got them to graduate high school, not become pregnant as a teenager or get arrested. Thankfully, they both went off to college , were able to earn degrees, enthusiastically embrace and take pride in their achievements in the world of work. I am so very proud of both of them.

My eldest daughter is now about to embark on her own voyage into parenthood. She cannot possibly know the joys and fears she is about to experience as her own role of mother unfolds and she brings her own child into this very complicated world. I look forward to being in the role of occasional advisor and consultant, but do not plan on being an interfering grandma. I will trust her decisions and have confidence in her abilities to trust her own intuition. I will encourage her to be nurturing and loving of her child and to throw out the rules whenever possible. The rules seem less important to me now.