Friendship

I have read various articles regarding how having friends increases one's longevity. There is something about us humans that we have a need for affiliation, a sense of belonging, feeling understood and listened to,sharing experiences with someone. These are important elements of a friendship. I believe trust and honesty are essential. A sense of commonality is also important.

There's a differentiation I make between acquaintance and friendship. An acquaintance to me is someone whom I have a superficial relationship with and I'm not sure how much I might count on them when the chips are down. I would also consider an acquaintance someone whom I haven't really known that long. For some they may know a person for only a few months and define that as friendship. I guess if there was a significant bond of commonality you might wave the time factor, and if you had developed a sense of trust over that relatively short period of time they might come under the heading of a new friend. I also believe proximity may come into the picture, someone whom you see quite often.

Acknowledging we have our own unique personalities there are probably people whom we get along with and maybe some we don't. When I was growing up it tended to be gender specific. Girls played with other girls and boys played with other boys. Things have changed since I grew up as now there is more mixing and a girl can have "guy friends". That whole thing about friends with benefits is another different matter.

I was extremely fortunate to have a childhood friend that nearly began when we were infants. Every milestone was a shared experience and although we were two very different people we complimented each other's strengths and weaknesses. I never had a sister so she was the closest thing. She knows things about me that no one else does. We took very different paths as we matured. Although we grew apart because of geography and different life choices I know I can still call her at any time day or night and she would be there for me. This is more of my definition of friendship. For me it takes a very long time before I would consider someone my friend.

Some people collect friends and the amount doesn't always reflect quality. You don't talk bad about a friend, you defend them and although you may at times disagree you are unconditional and supportive. When we develop a close bond with another person sometimes that grows into love and we choose that person to be with as our partner. At times our other friendships may become secondary but we can still have our times to spend with our old pals. I know quite a few people now go on trips with friends and leave their families behind for a few days.

I have heard some mothers and daughters refer to each other as their best friends and I'm not sure I totally agree with that. I think it is important for an adult to have boundaries in their relationship with their children. I don't want to know the details of some of the things my daughters have been involved in nor do they want to know anything too intimate about my experiences. TMI; "too much information". There was an occasion where a few of my long time friends whom I have known since elementary school went out for a social evening and later on we met up with my two adult daughters. Well, after a few glasses of wine and giggles my old friends began to tell stories about what I was like growing up and my daughters were very amused and intrigued that their old mom had a few "wild" experiences in her younger days. Now every once in awhile they will tease me if I act too serious.

Our lives go on from one day to the next and time seems to slip away but every once in awhile I'll call an old friend or send an e-mail and try hard to stay in touch. It will be as if we had just talked the other day and are catching up. The bond of friendship is important for us humans. It doesn't matter how many friends we have as long as there are a few that we can count on and forgive us when we act stupid.

Excuse me now while I call my friend.